Sammy the Seal

Archive for the ‘funny ha ha’ Category

Turtles (pecan, caramel, chocolate)

In delicious, funny ha ha on Thursday, 19 December, 2013 at 10:42

turtles 1

Hey, they do look like turtles! I wonder if there’s a turtle shell mold somewhere, to get the indentation/pattern, that you build in reverse: chocolate, caramel, pecan. I guess slapdash is part of the charm. I was in a rush, so not in perfect temper, some streaking visible. But, no crappy oil or palm fat in the chocolate (commercially made boxed– ha– turtles), actual couverture.  Though I didn’t like this one. It was way too thick, even at 90°F. Whether hand-dipping or fork-dipping, pain-in-the-ass too viscous. Tried dipping some truffles recently, same problem. Different brand next time, and probably lower cacao percentage. This one was only 63%, I didn’t think it was that big a deal, but I am used to 52%. Also, with the truffles, I made peanut butter ganache, and I think the 63% drowned out some of the peanut butter. The taste was too dark, not enough peanut butter. Waste of money, that. I’m not fond of milk chocolate (even the real stuff) because it’s so sweet, but the peanut butter would be able to shine at least. Maybe just a 50% or so.

They’re naked!

turtles nude

Thank goodness for Puritan values, one of the few instances where they have a positive effect:

turtles 2

Whew. I found myself to be aroused and titillated by all this (reference at 4:26, but you need the background on the character first):

Folk Festival and Jelly-off. Ha. Classic sketch.


“You gotta find your f—in’ place in the sun, jackass”

In experience, funny ha ha on Tuesday, 29 May, 2012 at 14:43

I love that line, it’s very real. I like this guy. He did Fear Factor, UFC and the other fighting stuff, and he looks and even jokes about being a meathead, but don’t let his appearance, humility, or self-awareness fool you. He’s a pretty intelligent, self-aware human being. There’s nothing like taking the piss out of people who think they know better, and this clip brings it boldly. “Can’t compete” is the diplomatic, polite way to say “lazy”, “makes excuses”, and “avoids”. “You’re trying to pull the playing field down….. you’re not trying to rise.” Say it, brother. I especially like the last bit, as a hypothetical retort those who would judge or rationalize others. Besides, he already acknowledges the importance of balance and compromise (0:45). (Ugh, I wish there were no music in the background, it ruins it a little for me. The words are strong enough that they sure as hell don’t need to be scored.)

Then again, one shouldn’t be worried how one is perceived anyway. I have no idea what the hell the video is, I just listen to the audio anyhow:

If you can be objective and impartial, this is actually scarily coming to pass, I think. If you can look past his intensity, he’s making a lot of insightful points, while still being funny. That’s the best kind of comedy.

“Come on down, I’ll chew on a dog!”

In celluloid, funny ha ha on Thursday, 29 March, 2012 at 22:14

Has it really been twenty years since the days of videotaping movies off of pay-per-view? Yes, Beetlejuice, you were one of the first, you’ll always have a special place set aside. Granted, I haven’t seen it in full in probably 15 or so years, so I don’t know how amused I’d still be. I’m still laughing at these clips, so I have a good feeling. Michael Keaton is wonderfully psycho, what a great character. His hick routine here is still funny. Notice he doesn’t know how to lasso that well. I love the little song at the end, the spot would just not work without it.

What a wonderful, perverted, scuzzball of a lout. It should be noted that this movie was rated PG, and yet in this clip we have Beetlejuice stroking himself (which I never caught until today) and the immortal “hey, nice fuckin’ model!” Bonus points for his awkward, nancy run up the hill when he’s inviting them in for dinner.

And finally, some parting words from the bio-exorcist himself: “go ahead, make my millennium.”

The Girls And Boys Of Rock And Roll

In celluloid, funny ha ha, music videos on Thursday, 22 March, 2012 at 12:23

Anyone who came of age in the 1980s ought to appreciate how great this is. The Chipmunk Adventure (1987) was full-length animated film featuring, of course, Alvin, The Chipmunks, and The Chipettes. The plot was all of them getting unwittingly involved in a global smuggling caper, punctuated by many silly and memorable musical numbers, like the one below. Look at the heart and imagination, the animation is so loose, with flair to spare. Every animation moment elicits a smile. It’s the good kind of cheesy. Fuck the corny-ass CGI version of The Chipmunks and fuck CGI (in general, not absolutely). If it doesn’t have Eleanor and Jeanette prancing-flying up the stairs, I don’t want it.

That’s just a good song. Innocuous, but good. Now, the real reason I’m here, is that a couple of years ago, some fantastic, fearless, and awesome people in Colorado Springs decided to re-create this song– dance moves, costumes, and all. If you didn’t grow up with it, it doesn’t seem so transcendent. Except it is. Well, even if you don’t know it, you have to give it up. Their faithfulness to the dance moves is nothing short of marvelous and inspiring. Hearty bravo, cheers, and thank you, gang:

(Sadly, and strangely, the movie is out of print. Ebay/used is the only way, for now. Well, at least the used price is decent.)

Pizza block party

In delicious, funny ha ha on Tuesday, 20 March, 2012 at 14:18

So with the one I made Sunday, I forgot to add onions, and to sprinkle cornmeal for appearance and texture. I split this batch of dough in half, made parmesan garlic bread/sticks out of the second lump.

thinner crust pizza 1

I baked the cheese/garlic bread for 10 minutes instead of 15, and the cheese still turned brown. Next time I’ll skip the cheese and make it garlic bread, or use a different cheese that won’t scorch quickly like parmesan. Very delicious and aromatic, though not exactly pretty.

parmesan garlic bread

On a completely unrelated note, I was just watching old NBA clips, and found a compilation of blocked shots. I couldn’t stop laughing. The first one, by Olajuwon, is too awesome. How often do you see someone turn the ball over and NOT give up on the play, much less a center? The way he charges downcourt and flies in for the rejection is hilarious and scary. Imagine if Rod Strickland had turned around to see that. That kind of mobility on a 7-footer is amazing. Also of note is Jordan’s utter “fuck you” block on Ewing starting at 1:06, punctuated by the announcer’s “woo!” Both are fantastic.

One last one, with one more to set it up. Playoffs, 1994, barely-6′ Kevin Johnson dunks on 7′ Olajuwon plus the foul. Funny and inspiring, with a perfect “in your face!” from the announcer:

However, later in the series, Hakeem would exact a swift, brutal, and humiliating revenge:

Again, a fucking center, charging downcourt to disrupt the fast break. Awesome. I have no doubt this was payback, look at how deliberate and monstrous that windmill that sends KJ to the ground is. A great block excites and intimidates, and it makes you truly pity the shooter. And I pity Kevin Johnson

“I’d just like to say this gig SUCKS!”

In delicious, funny ha ha on Thursday, 15 March, 2012 at 7:22

The working-with-yeast-risen-dough gig. It’s only my second time trying to work with yeast, but man, it can’t be that hard, can it? It’s just the cheese bread recipe on the side of the bag of flour! The first time was my fault, I baked it even though I knew the yeast was inactive and the dough therefore never rose. The result was a warm, dense lump of dough and cheese. Congealed and low-volume, but otherwise delicious, sincerely. I think we finished it by the next morning.

This one actually doesn’t look so bad, though it is a bit misshapen and uneven due to my meddling hands and impatience:

misshapen cheese bread 1

misshapen cheese bread 2

misshapen cheese bread sliced

This time, I made sure to correctly and patiently proof the yeast before adding it to the dough, though I had to go through three packets of yeast before finding one that didn’t just sit there, and I was careful about the water temperature too. (I thought I had killed it the first cheese bread attempt, but since the other two packets lay fallow this time, I think I’m going to let myself off the hook for the first loaf and say the yeast was no good to begin with.) Since I used functional yeast, this one could be looked at as a (very) modest success. At least it has volume, anyway. In fact, if I hadn’t needed to go to bed, I would’ve let the dough rise longer, and shaped it more meticulously. As you can see the crumb is still a bit coarse, as well.

Ugh, bread takes so much time! I appreciate my relatively low-maintenance pastries and other sweets a bit more now. Sigh. Calm down. Ah, Beany and Cecil will soothe my jangled nerves:

I knew that laugh growing up, my brother did it from time to time, but I never knew it came from Dishonest John! It’s all coming together….

“I’ve tossed universes…..!”

In funny ha ha on Saturday, 10 March, 2012 at 20:50

This is not as, uh, deep as some of his other material, but I’m laughing as loudly and hysterically as the audience. Man, his timing, delivery, and stage presence here– when you have those, it doesn’t matter how crude the subject matter is. (And if you can’t laugh at the crude anyway, well, what’s the point?) Thought-provoking or completely inane, Bill Hicks could do both:

As could this man. Also unsophisticated yet hilarious: exaggerated and cartoonish verbal descriptions of fantasy violence. This is such an easy target for him to make, and he didn’t even live in the Pacific Northwest. I saw one just the other day and this bit was my first thought. (This bit plays a lot in my head, it’s hard to not see these devices here.) I always remember the “touch the little prick” line, not just because it’s comedy gold, but because I think he makes an astute and meaningful point. Perspective always was one of his strongest,  and one of my favorite, weapons:

(From his Complaints and Grievances special)

Bless you two angry, hilarious, and thoughtful men of heart.

“…and my little hedgehog Humphrey”

In celluloid, experience, funny ha ha on Wednesday, 22 February, 2012 at 13:44

I know I’m old, but still, it’s hard to find someone I know (apart from siblings) who has heard of Pinwheel, Nickelodeon’s answer to Sesame Street that began in the early 1980s. (By the way, the two bees– or whatever– in the clip are there because it’s the only version of the intro that was good quality.) It was back when my parents would pay for cable, was having cable so special back in the 1980s? I actually think it was. I had a cousin who had Showtime, HBO, and the other premium channels, and I thought that was a pretty big deal.

I swear, the last great gasp in imagination, especially in children’s programming, happened in the 1980s. And it lasted all morning. Today’s Special was next in line at about 1pm or so. Apart from having puppets and marionettes and such, the show also featured animation and other international shorts, though the only names I can muster off the top of my head are Hattytown, Emily, Simon, and Paddington Bear. Jesus Christ, I’m going to start tearing up, just hearing the music. Not just the Pinwheel theme, but the Simon and Emily themes set my heart a-flutter– they’re so good! Back when theme music was as important and essential to the program.

Emily. Ah, Emily. Originally in French, this was dubbed into English for airing in anglophonic countries. A note about the video, the “yippee” visual was added by the author of the post, it was not in the original. God bless the little girl who sang the dubbed version of the theme song. I never knew what she said at the end, now I am utterly thrilled and overjoyed to learn that it’s “yippee!” Dressed all in red, but sometimes her gloves are green. Fuckin’ A, yes.

For kicks, I found the original French. Good lord, so much awesomeness, I might explode. I love you, Emilie/Emily. Quelle douceur. Les français, je vous remercie.

“Well, you know my name is Simon…” (Still fighting the tears….) I believe Simon In The Land Of The Chalk Drawings is a British creation, I never checked though. The theme song explains the premise, but a little explanation of the weird psychedelic thing at the end of the clip, is that climbing the ladder (mentioned in the song) is what took him over the wall into The Land Of The Chalk Drawings:

And finally, Hattytown! It appears that there is no theme song, just a spoken intro. Bless you again, British people.

“I’m not taking a fucking break, I’m trying to find my way!”

In funny ha ha on Friday, 10 February, 2012 at 14:01

Recently, I overheard a conversation which referenced the MTV show Fear, from earlier last decade, or whenever. Out of my age range, of course, so my immediate thoughts were to the Andy Dick Show parody of it, which is a favorite skit of mine. A shame he’s such a punchline now, because he was quite good on NewsRadio and some of his skits, as zany and immature as they are, are rather funny. I think all this skits are on his website too:

Never saw the show, but it feels like a pretty good parody. Silly, but sharp. A breakdown of beats would be pointless, as it would be a near-transcript, but my highlights are the can of beans (and anything else with bleeped swears, I don’t know why I’m so amused by them), the running camera angle, smelling the panties, and the bathroom, Satanic writing and all (“S.O.S…. S.O.S.!”).

Jeopardy– “Our love’s in” vs “I lost on”

In funny ha ha, music videos, vinyl on Monday, 6 February, 2012 at 23:58

What a weird little video. Don’t knock the visuals and effects, it’s from 1983, on a music video budget to boot. I’ve read from people older than me that it was a li’l creepy back then. Imaginative, at least. And the song ain’t that bad either, 80s aside– a little groovy and kinda catchy. Being only 5 years old at the time, music wasn’t really on my radar. I’d only known the Weird Al version, years after it had been out, and wondered what the heck song that parodied, as I knew most of the originals. I wonder how it escaped me for so long, I’d never even heard of the Greg Kihn Band for the longest time, maybe they were only around early-to-mid 80s. Somehow musical and cultural osmosis failed me. Who would have though Al tearing off a piece of wood from the podium had any significance? And, in case the wink doesn’t make it obvious, that’s good sport Greg Kihn at the end of Al’s video. (Hell, I didn’t know when I first saw it, but, then, I had no idea of him or the original video.)