Sammy the Seal

“He lives for danger, and good conversation”

In funny ha ha on Wednesday, 19 October, 2011 at 14:04

mp3: Talk Show Jon theme

If you’re the nostalgic type, one of the best things about the internet is that most everything you grew up with is available online: toys, movies, video games, commercials, etc. Hence, it frustrates me to find that I see no clips– very little at all– of The Jon Stewart Show when he was on UPN for a season in the mid-90s, specifically the Talk Show Jon segments. Talk Show Jon was a recurring bit of Jon as a doll (most likely a modified Ken), getting into various adventures. Often, the bit opened up with him interviewing a guest on his show, and each entire vignette was acted out with dolls and figurines of all kinds. The ones I recall are Barbie, Screech Powers, Spider-man, Kiss, and various Star Trek: The Next Generation figurines (I remember Picard and Geordi). Once they made a ST: TNG figurine with a giant baby head. It was a blast. The theme song was fantastic, fortunately at least that is available online. The chintzy organ sound is perfect, it’s actually a great little ditty. Great tone, great mood.

These are the episodes I remember, it’s pretty much a collection of details rather than a plot. These things were only 2-3 minutes anyway, there wasn’t much plot to speak of anyway:

–an Exorcist parody, with Jean-Luc Picard performing the exorcism. It begins with Jon finishing an interview, then meeting a woman back at his place for some lovin’. However, she gets possessed, throws up, flies around the room, and none other than Jean-Luc Picard arrives to perform the exorcism, which consists of a bunch of Latin proverbs and a little fake Latin strung together:
“Manus manum lavat, carpe diem, in vino verite [sic]
Caveat emptor, e pluribus unum, exitos immedios Satanos!
In short, dis…engage”
followed by a ghostly visual effect of Screech Powers exiting the possessed girl.

–Jon coming to the aide of a Native American being harassed by racist rednecks. Jon uses the word “Indian”, and she corrects him: “Not Indian, Jon, Native American!” Jon and the Native American Barbie ended up kicking hillbilly ass, one gets hit and flies onto the hood of a car. I believe somewhere in here Jon and N.A. Barbie get a little freaky. At the end, all the characters are reconciling, when N.A. Barbie spots something off-screen: “look, it’s a funny-looking Chinaman”, followed by everyone getting amped up and leaving to chase him: “Let’s get him!”,  “I say we kill him!”, the dolls are heard to exclaim.

–Jon trying to get into a Kiss concert for some reason, possibly for a spy mission. There’s a long line outside the club, and Spider-man tries to talk his way in: “My spider sense is telling me this show will rock!”  “Get lost, you freak!”, the bouncer replies. Then Screech, with painted face, comes to the front. The bouncer initially thwarts his entry, but Screech insists: “but I’m a colonel in the Kiss Army!” The bouncer, gullibly, acquiesces: “let him through, let him through!”

–I don’t remember the context, but someone references Nia Peeples, and Jon excitedly attempts to verify, “Nia Peeples, of the Nia Peeples Party Machine?”

— and the last episode, which was on the real final episode before cancellation, which was a James Bond parody, with the villain being the Star Trek baby head figurine, and Howard (the sidekick on the real show), and likely a female captive. The vignette reaches its climax, when suddenly a little girl comes in and takes the dolls away from real-life Jon Stewart, who laments something to the effect of “hey, I was playing with those!”

And at the end, the Talk Show Jon logo would  suddenly fly onto the screen, with the “Talk Show Jon!” snippet of the theme song. At one time or another, I must have had a couple of these on VHS, but that was likely ages ago, and those tapes are lost to the wind. I’m surprised that no one else has them either. I thought the internet had everything!!! I’ll keep searching…

Update: someone has two episodes up!


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