Sammy the Seal

“Would that be such a catastrophe?”

In vinyl on Wednesday, 24 August, 2011 at 19:15

Song: King Dork
Artist: The Mr. T Experience

Finally! So this was never on a proper album, it floated around in a couple of slightly different versions, one with a little piano, I think, appeared in likely re-recorded fashion on a compilation of B-sides, EPs, and unreleased tracks (…And The Women Who Love Them, Special Addition), and this version I believe came first, appearing on a Lookout! Records sampler, Forward ‘Til Death. I deem this one the preferred version. Obviously, as it was recorded first, this one has less polish and more roughness on the edges. It was written in the mid-to-late 90s, and it’s still one of the very best MTX tunes. (For me, it’s a toss-up between this and “Fucked Up on Life”.) The song is here in honor of having just re-read MTX ringleader Dr. Frank’s (né Frank Portman) first novel of the same name. It should follow that the themes of the book are very similar to the lyrics of the song, especially considering the narrator is a high school sophomore.

Anyway, it’s nerdy and self-loathing, with just the right amount of sweetness, with a strong melody and some great backing vocals to sing with. It reminds me of why they were at one time one of my most favorite bands, and strangely, though coincidentally, I felt similar pangs of bittersweetness upon finishing the book. Simpler times, I suppose. Like seeing Frank perform his own stuff and read from the book at a Cupcake Royale five years back, keeping my cool until the end, then taking a dorky-ass photo so with him where I looked like a geek fan and he looked less than enthused, whereupon I immediately deleted it because it was so unsightly. Simpler times.

The words:

I don’t have much to offer
or anything at all
I look like death warmed over
you’re like a living doll

I may
be the worst that you have seen
but I’m King Dork and I want you to be my queen
I’m King Dork and I want you to be my queen

You’re too dear to put a price on
and when I talk you,
you’re more than Monty Python,
Star Trek, or Doctor Who

much more
than MST3K or D&D
I’m King Dork and I want you to be with me
I’m King Dork and I want you to be with me

Once you get used to it
maybe you could love me just a little bit
Would that be such a catastrophe?
So don’t start screaming yet
Just lower your standards then get set
Whatever it takes, however it has to be

Those other girls can’t stand me
there’s none as fair as you
but if they see you and me
it might embarrass you

we’ll go
where they will never see
I’m King Dork and I want you to be with me
I’m King Dork and I want you to be my queen


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