Sammy the Seal

A nice glass of warm milk, a little nap, and a total frontal lobotomy

In words, words, words on Monday, 22 June, 2009 at 6:43

I’ve heard that combination never fails, maybe I should try it. That’s what came to mind to me the other day when I was bemoaning my tendency to overthink. “Hm, how else to shut my brain off…” I also like to hide behind the whole excuse of “I try to get other points of view before making a decision” which is stupid because I always end up doing what I want anyway. For some reason, I’m being loyal or courteous, even though no one’s asking me to. (I know one person I do go to advice to out of habit and loyalty, even though I really shouldn’t, due to our opposing personalities.) It’s not enough that I overthink, but I subconsciously enlist others to help. Not that they don’t care, but I think my friends would end up saying “it’s your decision” anyway.

So today I think I’ve come to a resolution. There is a certain big decision that I have to go through with soon. Any time I start to reason or wonder, I cut myself off, and so far it’s worked. Doubt stays for a second, then gets kicked out. It’s hard not to analyze or reason when it’s your nature, but it’s for my own good. Before I made my resolution, I talked with some former co-workers and brought up High Fidelity and John Cusack’s character’s non-strategy of keeping one’s options open by not committing to anything or anyone. Well, that’s worked wonders so far, hasn’t it? I’m afraid that if I try a different approach, I’ll change too much and lose who I am at the core, which is probably not an uncommon fear, and which is also silly, because if I were susceptible, I’d be a mess. I already know I won’t change at the core, my personality is too strong, and I’m proud of that. (Plus, if I were susceptible, I’d have at least had a more interesting life than I’ve had so far.)

See? I’m even too loyal and sentimental towards myself, for some dumb reason. Look at the results: it’s not like all this thinking ever got me anywhere. So, after just a day, the anti-overanalysis shield is holding. Fingers crossed.

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