I can’t believe I just used that as a title, ugh. Maybe it’s been a while since I was overall content with life, as well as could be expected, but I thought I’d go over all the small occurrences and details that have made the rough first two months back in Seattle not so awful
– it’s warming up, but it’s still winter. The snow is gone for now, though on Sunday afternoon it came back with a vengeance and piled up extremely quickly in a matter of hours, was it ever coming down. Fortunately, the forecasters were right, and it rained enough over the next 24 hours that upon arriving home from work in the evening, even the slush was mostly gone. And the air is chilly, but milder. Since we live in an old house that doesn’t have central heating, and gas is expensive and ineffective and fireplace is boarded up, we’ve been using space heaters in various rooms. But recently, the temperature has not dropped much even when we’re gone or asleep and the heaters are off. It’s making indoor life much more bearable. (I’m not even wearing a warm hat or wool socks right now at 130am!)
– one of my co-workers got the new job she was angling for, and won’t leave until the end of the month, but although it leaves us understaffed (3 instead of 4), it quite increases the chances of me moving from temp employee to permanent, and getting an even greater pay bump (which, for what I actually do everyday, is obscene, and would be the most I ever earned in my life, for doing quite possibly the least arduous work).
– We’ve decided to stay in the house, full rent be damned. We’re looking at strangers to fill the room, but it’s not a hot time to look for tenants, most people are locked in at their comfy current places. But with us figuring out new ways to slash bills, and the prospect of more pay, it won’t be so hellish to afford, should we have to pay for it just the two of us.
– My awesome friend Angela came over to visit last Friday, the first visitor up to the house since I moved back here beginning of November. I understand with the weather and all, but I’m just thrilled that someone said they wanted to see me, and actually did. And she brought a feather toy for our two kitties that they immediately took to. I’ve never seen any kitty been so enamored of a toy, and all it is is a little fishing pole with a couple of feathers on the end of the line. And yet if I, right now in the middle of the night, were to wake them up with it, they’d start tearing it up. I don’t give a shit if I sound like a loser, but I’ve reached that point that I’ve learned that you take sincere, friendly human contact wherever I can get it. Everyone wants to belong somewhere, and not in a clique-ish way, whether they admit it or not. It’s kind of nice when another person thinks of you, for whatever reason. I mean, life is rough enough, that a mere Friday night visit and a meal at an exorbitantly priced Mexican restaurant is enough for me. You don’t pick and choose these moments and people in your life, you just be damned grateful that they’re there. As if modern life isn’t alienating enough, we don’t need to be closing ourselves off from possibility willfully. I’ve gotten so much out of a few people I’ve met in writing the last few months than locally. And not coincidentally, these people are all my age or older (cf. my old old post about wanting to know more people my age).
– Finally, and this one is a bit bittersweet, but there’s a contact from back in San Antonio that I’ve been talking to a lot that I regret not knowing more, since I left so abruptly. That’s the thing about being aware of the opportunities to step outside yourself. (I’m not talking about me, since, once again, I didn’t make the first step.) I’m not saying happy endings for all, but it’s just that every day is a little easier, a little bit smilier, a little bit more impervious to the winter air. I really really wish I had known this person sooner. But I just have to deal with that now, and not make the same mistakes I have in the past and don’t be chicken-shit about a new opportunity. Sounds cheesy and easy, except think about the last time you did something truly out of your comfort zone, the last time you acted carelessly and unabashedly. I hate to be a broken record, but by fucking Zeus, we put up so many goddamned walls these days. I hope we just don’t wonder why things aren’t the way we want them, why we’re lonely, why we’re so disillusioned. Simple perspective. I’m not going overboard, but at the same time I can’t remember the last time I was this content and happy talking to someone. (Yes, it’s a woman, of course it’s a woman.) It’s as simple as when I hear from this person, even a line, I smile. Simple, no expectations, just an accepting, sympathetic ear, and agreement to just be ourselves right now. Funny, I don’t know if I’ve ever been so excited being merely content.
– On a less agonizing, lighter note, I few nights ago, I found my sewing packet from costume design class from 8 years ago that shows you how to do different kinds of stitches, and I sewed up a couple of pants that have been needing it (my phone or ipod would fall right through the pocket, very frustrating to be operation with one less pocket and two gadgets!) and I’m hoping to sew up my jacket that has a couple of small tears along the seams. I was up until 130 the other night, learning to sew basic stuff again. I feel so resourceful!
– And finally, it’s the weekend. This week has absolutely zipped by, and I’m going to celebrate by making a peach and cherry pie. Do they go together? Who cares, they were the cheapest frozen fruit I could find. It’s always a good time for pie.