Sammy the Seal

Quizzes are for suckers

In words, words, words on Friday, 2 January, 2009 at 1:18

And I’m no different than anyone else. It’s called “What’s Your Seduction Style?” and yes, I couldn’t resist. And since the fucking picture of the escape artist result is the only image that doesn’t work, here’s what it says. You can do it yourself here

“What’s Your Seduction Style?

The Escape Artist

We don’t know how you figured it out, but you’ve managed to keep your lovers close despite your critical view of the world. Maybe you aren’t cynical, just a little cautious. Either way, you’ve managed to keep your head on your shoulders. You do have a little bit of misanthropy going on up in there, but hey, when you build your solar powered cabin in the woods everything will be fine.
It’s very rare to meet someone so clever that isn’t into taking advantage of romantic or sensitive people. Your best seduction move: be your honest and insightful self. A straight shooter (even a slightly damaged straight shooter) is a fine catch for anyone.”

It’s interesting to me that things as unempirically based as online quizzes and the zodiac, for instance, can yet contain a certain amount of insight. I find myself doing a little “hey, that’s spot on, that’s me all over!” despite that these things are mostly for fun and really, really, should not govern one’s social interaction. That being said, all this is actually quite true, I have to admit. Although I resent the part about the solar cabin in the woods, because 1) it comes off too hippie and super-environmentally sound, whereas I am merely conscious, I do what I can, but don’t go overboard and micromanage the minutiae of my consumptive habits because really, what’s the fucking point (note: peep George Carlin’s show “Jammin’ in New York”, and for the last 10-15 minutes, you’ll find a very caustic yet intelligent, humane, and humbling look at our little planet), and 2) living out in the woods is a very chicken-shit, privileged, isolationist thing to do, and while I am very independent, cynical, and opinionated, I am for damn sure no elitist or isolationist. I feel perfectly normal being a bit snobby and cynical yet humanistic, if only because I’m cock-eyed enough to still want to believe in the potential of human beings. (Apologies to Ed Begley, Jr., et al., but unless you want to build one for everyone, or use it merely as an infrequent vacation home, then they’re pointless. The intention is good, but comes off a li’l self important. But what do I know? If someone is pontificating in the middle of the woods– Seattle is a highly wooded area– how exactly does it make the world a better place?)

Anyway, if anyone’s out there looking for a slightly damaged straight shooter (that seems incongruous, somehow…), you got yourself a humdinger right here. Hit me up, wink wink.

  1. *trying not to feel judged for wanting a solar powered house in the middle of the woods…

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