Sammy the Seal

“Bitches, man!”

In Uncategorized on Monday, 4 August, 2008 at 14:09

That immortal line is, of course, from the kid hanging out with the guys at the Gas n’ Sip shortly after Diane has dumped Lloyd in Say Anything. It doesn’t really reflect my state of mind, just the topic. I won’t go into the now-harmless details, but I recently had a potential personal issue with someone I know, that reminded me of an intermittent, but nonetheless, recurring event in my life— namely, when someone you think you’re friends with (and in one case, dating) all of a sudden cuts off all contact, or else turns on you. Granted, this isn’t uncommon, but it’s a bit jarring to me because there was no sign or harbinger of doom, it was completely unexpected. Self-conscious people like me think “what did I do?”, but not in these cases.

However, my incidents are always a little more complex, because, as most everyone knows, the vast majority of my friends are women, and I’m heterosexual. So there’s always the issue of walking the fine line between being a friend and being a forward, aggressive pig. So this recent occurrence reminded me of the past ones, and made me wonder if there wasn’t something in common. I talked to a lot of people about this, and my friend Angela (Ang, Mama, etc.) had this to say (note: the names have not been changed to protect the guilty):

“Your last message got me thinking again how women are turning into men. You know, how you described Victoria, Caren, and Veda as dropping you when you didn’t make a move. But now that I think about it…it kind of boils down to the fact that women are very self conscious. We try and act like it doesn’t bother us when a guy we like doesn’t make a move, and kind of have this “fuck you” attitude about it. So….we try and act like men, but in the end it does hurt us, and we just give up on being hopeful all together. But, on the same token…we want guys who are not timid, while at the same time not being overly aggressive!”

All I can think is that women are really starting to believe romance is dead. The part about giving up hope makes sense to me. Think about women who complain about meeting the same types of jerks, then think about the men they choose to NOT date. It’s a bit insulting hearing a female friend complain about some dickhead guy, all the while sitting there thinking “what am I, chopped liver?” I’m not interested in dating all my friends, but I’m a decent guy, respectful, caring, patient (not what women think of in a man), and it makes me want to smack them, because dating the same jerks over and over is a conscious choice. We wouldn’t be soulmates, but at least you’d be respected and cared for. Forget me, every woman probably has a few guy friends who are decent people, but who get overlooked for whatever reason. As someone who’s only dated three girls in 30 years, I have every reason to be bitter or misogynistic or misanthropic, but I’m not. Actually, I’m getting more hopeful as I get older, which is challenging in its own right.

So, maybe it just comes down to perspective and strength of character. The point about women becoming more impatient and short-sighted, and men (some of them) trying to be more patient, understanding, or sensitive, I thought it was an interesting observation. And it’s not completely true. If I’ve made it this far without becoming jaded, or at least, keeping it under control, then surely there are women out there who are the same. Probability isn’t on our side, but it’s something, I suppose.

(My current situation is cool now, and had little to do with the discontent of this post, it just reminded me of the past.)

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  1. “then surely there are women out there who are the same.”

    Of course there are…but you have to ask them out. 😉 (not being condescending, I swear, but I have many male friends who find themselves in the “friend zone” with many females and the whole thing could have been avoided if they had asked them out on a date when they met.)

    Another thing, nice guys face another challenge that you can do nothing about (except RUN if you’re smart) — some women are consumed with attempting to control/come to terms with their traumatizing childhoods and need someone who’s enough of a jerk to play their “game” (if that makes sense.) To these women, you will always be a bore. And that’s a good thing.

    You seem to have a healthy sense of self and a willingness to wait for someone who can appreciate you…you’ll be fine.

    Thank you for sharing.

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